Relentless Love

I know we aren't supposed to have favorites, but I do. His name is Andress or Angel. He goes by both. When I first met him he was sitting all alone playing with a truck at the orphanage. I felt the Spirit telling me to be his friend, and so I pursued him. In only a few moments, I loved this little boy, like he was my own. So today when we arrived at the orphanage all these children ran to greet us. Kids were jumping into the arms of my teammates and my eyes were searching for Andress. I finally saw him and went to embrace him and he ran away. I thought, oh he wants to play. So I ran up to him and tickled him and he would get upset and walk away. Oh the pain in my heart! It was breaking. The I heard the Lord remind me that I am the same way. How often does He come to embrace me and I choose to go the other way.  Later on I saw him sitting with one of the guys and playing trucks with another boy his age. Andress was searching for love and attention from my friend. I wouldn't say that my friend was ignoring him, but he wasn't giving him the attention I would. I even saw Andress put a marble in his mouth, and he didn't stop him. I wanted to cry out, don't you see I love you, I want the best for you. You will always have my attention. The Lord again spoke to me, you spend your time chasing other idols, why won't you spend time with me? You waste your time doing things that will eventually do more harm them good. Why do you not enjoy your time with me. I ultimately satisfy. Finally, it was time for us to leave and I wanted to tell him goodbye. He covered his face, like he was hiding from me, and as soon as I could embrace him he ran. The Lord once again reminded me, stop running from your sin, my child. You can not run. Hidding from your sin is no laughing matter, it is not a game.

I left ministry really saddened that afternoon, but oh so grateful for what the Lord had taught me. I left ministry with these lyrics running through my mind:

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure    

I think my love for Andress is deep, but the love of God is so much deeper. I chose to love Andress. Just like the Lord has chosen me. Just like Andress has run from me, I too have run from the Lord. Just like I was jealous when Andress choose to love someone else, the Lord is jealous when I love the things of this world. Oh how grateful I am that His love is relentless and that it will never give up on me.

Unexpected Love

One of the things that excited me the most about coming to Guatemala was all the different ministries we would be involved with. I was most looking forward to bar ministry, orphanage, and the nursing home. Bar ministry is my heart, working with women in prostitution is definitely a calling in my life. I love kids, and couldn't wait to share God's love with the children who had been left behind by their earthly parents. When I was in Nicaragua last summer, our team visited a nursing home, and it had been one of our favorite days, I couldn't wait to love on the elderly that had been forgotten by their families.

One of the first ministries we visited was the nursing home. I couldn't wait to arrive and find an abuelo or abuela to have for the fall. Oh but the Lord had different plans. When we first arrived, Ashlynn and I talked with this older man, Pablo. The rest of the group had gone to the other side of the building. After a while of speaking with Pablo, Andrea (one of our contacts) approached me and told me that the group was waiting for us to start the program. Ashlynn asked Pablo if he would like to go to the other side with us, and I noticed this fairly young woman, in a wheel chair and I asked if she would like to go too. She nodded and so we went. It didn't take me long to realize that there was something different about this woman. She was very hard to understand. Even if I was fluent in Spanish I would have difficulty understanding her. She was missing several teeth, and spoke with a slur. The program was a little delayed because Luiz, one of the residents, had commandeered Bellle's guitar and was playing for us. The whole time she just looked at me awkwardly and I would awkwardly smile back. Not really knowing how to communicate. I asked her what her name was and could only make it out to be "Maria." Belle finally got her guitar back, and we sang a few songs, helped the staff put out dinner, said goodbye, and left.

The next week, I started walking towards the patio, when Pastor Rony called me over and told me that Maria was sad, and asked me if I could figure out why. He thought that maybe she would open up to me, because I am a female. At first I was really annoyed. To be honest, people with special needs make me nervous. Some people, like my mom, work really well and know how to love people with special needs. I am not one of them. One of my most legitimate fears when I was younger was that one day I would have a special needs child. I wanted to love on the elderly, and glean wisdom from them. Not to spend my time pitying a mentally disabled woman. However, I put a smile on my face and tried to communicate with Maria. I tried to ask her what was wrong, and I couldn't understand anything she said. I was frustrated. I went and got my Spanish/English Bible and began to read to her different Psalms as I felt the Spirit lead. Her tears eventually stopped and she began to smile. I then taught her how to play the card game "war". She liked it a lot! As we were playing my heart began to soften, and I genuinely cared for her.

The next week when we visited the nursing home, Maria was nowhere to be found. My heart sank. She was my friend and I wanted to talk with her and just be with her. It happened to be that she went to chapel and I got to spend a few minutes with her before dinner. She looked so happy to see me too!

A few days a go we had the opportunity to go back to the nursing home. The first thing Maria asked me was why we hadn't come last week to visit. I replied by telling her that we had gone to Antigua. She had never been, and so I decided I would show her some pictures. I got out my camera and showed her all the pictures, and she wanted to know everything about each picture. I then asked her if she wanted to take a picture with me, and we had so much fun making different faces.

I asked her if she had any friends at the nursing home, she told me that she didn't. I then reminded her that we were friends and she smiled so big!  She then took my hands and started counting my fingers and then I counted hers. After I while we went to the patio to join the rest of the group. We listened to Belle play the guitar as well as Luiz, and even Pablo sang us a few songs. However, Maria was only interested in one thing, finding my hand and holding on to it. Oh what a blessing it is to have her in my life and be her friend!