living Luke 14:26

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26

Upon first reading this verse my thoughts are, "Wow, Jesus, that's some pretty harsh language you're using." I've heard many times from pastors and leaders that what Jesus means in this verse is that we are to love God more than our friends, families, etc; that it looks like hate to the world. So growing up I thought that applying this verse was just loving God the most. Okay. Done. Check. I love you, God. But now, as I'm going through deep struggles in Thailand I get it. Loving God, being obedient to God, sometimes really does look like hate in the eyes of the world. Sometimes when I'm overseas I forget that life still goes in the America. Dear friends who I have known for over a decade get married, and because I'm in Thailand, I won't be able to attend this joyous day in their lives, which could be perceived as a lack of love for them. Good friends are bringing life into the world, and my heart wants to be there for them, and rejoice with them, and throw showers for them. But I can't, it may look like I "hate" them because I'm not there. I love my family so much. So when I hear of how they are battling with sickness and disease, oh how I want to be there with them. And to think that it can look like hate that I'm not there, in their darkest hours is so painful. It's during times like these when I want to get mad at the Lord. Why is this going on? Why am I missing out? Why can I not be there? And it's when I am still in his presence when I am reminded of our Lord and Savior. He left His perfect home in Paradise, took on flesh, and lived among sinful men. Men who would spit on Him, curse Him, beat Him, and murder Him in the most horrific way possible. He allowed them to do those things, so that by His death we may have life. That is true sacrifice. That is why I am His disciple. No matter the cost. And the cost is much. But it comes nowhere near the cost He paid. So I dry my eyes over my loss, and I turn to the Sovereign King and trust Him to care for my family.
I trust Him to be their joy. I trust Him. 

I want to close with a song that has been very encouraging, and that just so happened to be playing as I wrote this. 

Surprise! You're gonna be a mom!

Valentine’s Day 2014 will be a day I will not soon forget. It was the day when I realized that I was going to be a mom (for a weekend). The news was first received with confusion. I was in Big C (think mini-mall with a Target attached), when I received a phone call from Lily, our Chinese roommate who can speak Thai and English really well. She asked me if I had invited any of the children to spend the weekend with her. I told her that I hadn’t, and I asked Terri, and she said that she hadn’t as well. Lily who was in route to Bangkok at the time, told me that Bo, a girl who works in the office at the school , had called her and said that there was a student waiting for us, and that she was going to spend the night. Lily said that she told Bo that we were in Phitsanulok and that we would be home later on in the afternoon. That was the first of many phone calls I had that day wondering when we would get back so that this girl would spend the weekend with us.

I wanted to know who this student was. The last few weekends we had spent at the school teaching students a song and dance for a program on the 21^st of February. Were the students confused and thought that we were practicing this weekend as well? Then it hit me, the previous Sunday, Pastor Wachin had asked us  if it would be okay if our student could stay the weekend with us, so that she could learn English. Her grandmother thought it would be a great idea as well. However BaToei didn’t seem so sure of the idea when Pastor Wachin was talking about it, and at the time we didn’t agree to anything and thought it would be something that would happen in the future.

By the time we got back home to Nakhonthai, we were even further confused because there was no one at our house, and the last I had talked to Lily was that they were waiting there. Was this some practical joke? I informed Lily that they was no one at the house. A few minutes later she called saying that they would return in a few minutes. Around 5:30 we see BaToei arrive on a motorbike with her grandmother. I apologized to the grandmother for the confusion and tried to explain what had happened. What later transpired was broken English/Thai conversations and moments of awkwardness. Soon after the grandmother left some of the other children from the neighborhood came over.  We played badminton until I could no longer stand getting eaten by mosquitos. The other children went home and we enjoyed a dinner of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then I taught her how to play Uno. Terri joined us for a few rounds of Uno had we had a lot of fun! When it was time to go to bed Terri and I prayed with her, and went to bed wondering what the next day would hold.

Saturday, oh how do you spend a whole day entertaining a child and yet, still wanting to accomplish everything on your never ending to-do list.  When we first woke up she wasn’t hungry, so I let her play a game on my iPod, while I read and caught up on emails. Then I made her and Terri breakfast (scrambled eggs with tomato). After she helped us clean up, I did the dishes, Terri wiped the stove-top area and she wiped down the table. Terri found a coloring book so that helped her occupy her time as we did some of our household chores. For lunch I made Teriyaki chicken, one of my specialties, this ended up being a failure. I have made this dish so many times, but this time around I had too much salt in the rice. Also one of the major ingredients in this dish is pineapple, and guess who doesn’t like pineapple- BaToei. Also, I thought I had bought chicken strips but instead I had bought chicken legs. So Terri’s chicken wasn’t cooked all the way. I felt horrible.  We cleaned up some more and Terri headed out to go to a coffee shop so that she could upload a video and send it to her church, as well as to get a back massage. So that just left me and BaToei. We played Badminton for a little while but it was so hot we went back inside. I tried to teach her the card game “War” but after a while she decided to switch to Uno. This now leads to a proud mom moment- I taught her how to shuffle! By the end of her stay she was shuffling the whole Uno deck and we know that’s a lot of cards! We also did some formal Thai/English practicing. A few years ago my brother gave me a Thai book for Christmas. So we used that book to learn. We learned phrases such as “Nice to meet you” and words such as “watch, book, and newspaper”. Later I let her borrow my computer to watch some cartoons on Youtube. Something I learned about motherhood this weekend is that a good mother is very selfless. I needed to use my computer to work on lesson plans, but instead I let her use it. Looking back I can see how selfless my own mother has been, putting our needs before her own, and it is something that I truly appreciate and hope that I will be willing to apply when I’m a mom for real.

Early Saturday evening, the same children came over from yesterday, and they saw that our Christmas tree was still up. So we had an impromptu English lesson teaching them what each ornament was. For example, that’s an angel, that’s a star. Soon, Terri came home with dinner- food from our favorite restaurant. We had fried fish and chicken and cashew nut dish. We enjoyed a lovely meal together with the children and once they had their fill the other children went home. We cleaned up and Terri, BaToei and I watched Despicable Me 2. Terri bought it in Thailand so we were able to watch it in Thai and have English subtitles. It’s so fun watching movies with children. I loved hearing her laugh and enjoy herself. Terri was tired so she went to bed halfway through the movie. After Terri had been gone for a few minutes BaToei said in English “Terri, sleep?” This was the first time she had spoken English without being prompted. I was so proud!! After the movie I prayed with her in broken Thai before going to bed. And she said with a big smile on her face that she understood my prayer! Yay!

The next morning I made rice and eggs and then we went to church where she was reunited with her grandmother. I think we both had a good time and learned a little of each other’s languages. She’s a really sweet girl and was always eager to help; she even did her homework without us even asking her to. I wonder if this will happen again and am excited to see how the Lord will use it.

2013

As I reflect on the past year I am just in awe of how The Lord worked things out. 2013 started out with a lot of unknowns. I had just returned from Guatemala. I had no idea where I would work. I had no idea  how I would go back to Thailand and was not really sure if I wanted to return. I knew the Lord was calling me to Thailand, but I had also fallen in love with Guatemala and the ministries there. I was so confused. Why did The Lord allow me to be in love with two different countries? A few months later I was able to return to Guatemala and I got the closure I needed. The Lord revealed to me that my time there in 2012 was just for a season. He also taught me that He doesn't need me but that He chooses to use me when and where He sees fit. It's such an honor to be used by Him and sometimes we take it for granted and sometimes we waste the opportunities He gives us. But His grace still abounds.

2013 was also the year of transitioning. A lot if my friends got married, and a few moved away. Life in Birmingham was looking different. Which in a way helped me to leave Birmingham when the time came. Leaving friends and family is never easy, no matter how often you do it, but it gets easier when you have less people to say goodbye too.

The latter part of the year was full of learning. Learning how to live truly live in rural Thailand. Having to get used to having extra housemates like ants and geckos. Learning how to teach English to Kindergarteners. Learning a different culture and a new language and alphabet. Sometimes I feel like a Kindergartener as I try to read Thai- and I get so excited when I can read something. Learning patience and learning to have grace with other people when they don't behave in the way I think they should.

2013 was a good year, my prayer is that 2014 would be an even better one. May God be glorified and may I look more like Jesus by this time next year than I do today!

Happy new year!!

Give Thanks!

Thanksgiving, a time to reflect on what’s really important in life, and to enjoy time with family and friends. I have spent several Thanksgivings away from my family that I don’t even remember what a traditional Thanksgiving at my grandparents is like anymore. So I was surprised that as Thanksgiving approached, I felt more and more homesick. It dawned on me that even though translated in Thai Thanksgiving Day is literally translated as “Day Thank you God” I hadn’t actually really thanked God for the specifics. This morning as I was reflecting, the Spirit asked me, “Why are you thankful for your family, friends, etc. You thank me for them, but why?” So here is why:

1.      I am thankful for my mom. She is so busy and doesn’t have a lot of spare time but so many times she has sacrificed her time to do something for me. I have learned a lot about being selfless from her.

2.      I am thankful for my dad; he really cares about other people. He follows up on people after they have had a hard day. Or after they hurt themselves, he checks up on them, until he knows for sure that they are better.

3.      I am so thankful for my grandparents. They are so selfless in their prayers. They pray more for other people than they do for themselves. That’s one of the biggest blessings anyone can receive from them. When they say that they are praying for you, you can rest assured that they are lifting you up to the Father. They are also so generous and giving and would do anything to spread the good news of the Kingdom.

4.      I am so thankful for my friends. When I get an email or message from them, it makes my day. One thing that I struggle with is loneliness, and it’s so encouraging to get a personal note from them. It’s reassuring to know that they are thinking of me and letting me know that I am not alone.

5.      I am thankful for my job. I love teaching these precious children. Even though some days can be hard, I have to remind myself of why I am here. Some of the children are starving for love and affection and I have been given so much Love that it overflows and it’s a joy to pour it out on them.

6.      I am so thankful for my Thai family. They love so deeply and are so caring. They are so generous and selfless. I don’t know what I would do without them (literally).

7.      I am thankful for laughter and the people who make me laugh. It’s so good for the soul!

8.      I am thankful for the Church at Brook Hills. They actually live out the Word and strive to Biblically apply the Scriptures to everyday life.

9.      I am thankful for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Without them I would not be here. For the Father’s love, grace and forgiveness that never runs out. For Jesus, and the price that He paid, For the Spirit who leads me and guides me every day.  

This list could go on and on and on and on (you get the point). I have been blessed with such a supportive family and wonderful friends. And for that I am truly grateful! 

Terri, Sumlee, myself and Lily

Thanksgiving dinner! (Chicken spaghetti, hot cucumber salad, cinnamon bananas and cheese filled hotdogs)

Surprised by Joy

When I was on the race the Lord taught me a lot about choosing joy. It’s something that I have to constantly remind myself to do, and sometimes I choose not to be joyful. We can let the little things frustrate us, and bring us down, or we can laugh about it and choose to be joyful. Today the Lord gave us the opportunity to choose joy and what a blessing it turned out to be.

Every afternoon after school, Ming, the daughter of the pastor, takes us home and drops us off right in front of our gate. This afternoon, when I opened the gate, I couldn’t get it to close. That was just the beginning of our problems. Terri went to open the door to our house and both doors were locked from the inside. There was no way in. We found a coat hanger and tried to pick the lock that locked the door to the floor, but it was a futile attempt. We called the pastor, and he said he would be there in a few minutes. Terri and I decided we would just wait on our swing. Just when we thought that matters couldn’t have gotten any worse that’s when it started to sprinkle. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t really have to use the bathroom.

But then that’s when I saw her. Badee.

A student from school who despite our language barrier always seemed to find me and stay by my side after school until her ride came.  I decided I would go and try and talk to her, and I found some more friends. I recognized a few of them from church on Sunday. I tried to talk to them, but they were being silly boys and making up words when I asked for their name, so I walked back to the house. Meanwhile, the pastor came over and we showed him what had happened. The children had of course followed me, and were now in our front yard. The pastor had the children move a table over to the benches. The table was really heavy, so Terri and I helped them. When we turned around, the pastor had fixed the door!! I ran inside, went to the bathroom, and grabbed some candies that I had picked up a few days before from a 7-11. The kids were so thankful for the snack, and we played rock, paper, scissors for a while.

It didn’t take long before we were tired of playing that game; so naturally, I started a game of tickle tag. At first, it was just me tickling the kids, but they soon came after me too! We even had the opportunity to review a song we taught some the children at church and teach it to the others! I will never forget the smile on Ba Dee face as she sung, “God our father…”. I taught the kids a silly song that is similar to “Father Abraham”. They really enjoyed that! One of the girls went back to her home and brought back a home-made jump rope and badminton equipment.  We had so much fun! Praise God for the opportunity to build relationships with these kids and to be able to give them a safe place to play. When Ming came to pick us up for dinner, we let the kids stay in our yard. She just told one of the boys to close the gate when they left.

Thank you Lord for your sovereignty and for taking what could have been a frustrating experience and turning it into a blessing. Thank you for surprising us with joy!

A Guatemalan Song

Throw back Sunday! Ok not really, I just have been procrastinating to write this blog. :-) But it's written now. So enjoy! 

While I was in Guatemala, I felt like the Lord was leading me to read through Psalms. So I did. While I was reading the poems of David (and other authors) it dawned on me that I hadn't written poetry in a while. Here's a little fact about me, I used to write poetry all the time. I have journals from when I was in middle school that only have poems written in them. So why had I stopped? Was I too busy to be still and just enjoy the presence of God? Feeling convicted, I started to write. I'll spare you the words I wrote down then. They were forced, and I was trying so hard to have the words rhyme and they didn't connect. It wasn't time yet. A couple of weeks went by, and we are having one of our last family times with our Casa Verde family. This time, I felt the Holy Spirit lead me to write these words:

There is hope in the darkness.
There is a light with in us.
We've got the Good News.
Let's go.

He wipes away every tear.
He casts away every fear.
What do we have to lose?
Let's go.

There are people that are hurting
There are people who need healing
all we have to do is choose
Let's go!

Little did I know that I was writing a song. The chorus came last:

To the nations we will go.
By fulfilling His mission we grow.
Give God the glory
For He alone is worthy.
Let's spread His fame
and glorify His name.

I almost choose to not go to Guatemala. I had a fear of missing out. Missing out on what? Well, the Revelation Series at church, and hanging out with my friends. Well, that's why we have podcasts and Skype. :-) The consequences of not going to Guatemala were greater. Those four months were a blessing, a gift from the Lord. I grew so much in my knowledge of him, and in wisdom. I learned how to "love the least of these" and to love those who are difficult to love.

And now, a few months later, as I am getting ready to go to Thailand, I'm asking myself, what do I have to lose? Yes, I will probably miss out on a few weddings, and graduations. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Why? Because God alone is worthy of the worship of every.single.being. This life is temporary, and I want it to have an eternal impact. That's why we go.

Training Camp

I have been looking forward to May 18th for a very long time. May 18th, there's something about that date! 05/18/2011 was the day that my Race ended and 05/18/2013 is the day when this new journey is actually beginning.

Anyways, let's start from the beginning. I arrive at the airport and am picked up at the airport where I meet Terri, the girl who is going to be my partner for the next two years. We drop off our bags and walk over to Jim's office. He is our director and is over the Thailand teachers program. At this meeting we are told all the details that I've been wanting to know for weeks. We will be living in the Nakhon Phanom Province, which borders Laos. We will most likely be staying on campus in a house.  We don't know if the house will be furnished, or have AC, or even if it will have a western toilet, but we're excited to found out!!

When we first arrive to Thailand we will have one week of training in Chiang Mai and then two weeks of training and getting acclimated to village life. Then we will start teaching in mid October. Because Terri and I will be the only teachers for a while, we will have visitors (other Christian workers) who live in Chiang Mai come visit us once a month. Hopefully, in May, more Americans will come join our team!

After that meeting with Jim we had dinner and orientation. The next morning we got to Skype with our contacts in Thailand. The rest of the week was filled with teaching sessions. Sessions on disciple- making, peace-making, child safety, world-view, crisis and security. As well as going over fundraising and insurance policies.

So what did I learn in all those sessions? I'm glad you asked! We learned that all trials will tempt us to sin, but no trail will cause us to sin. Negative responses to trials reveal the sinful lusts in our hearts, and that true change begins with heart repentance. True change restores God's image in us. Basically, in every day life we will face trials and temptations. We are responsible for how we respond to them. We can either respond in a fleshly manner or a godly one. And when we respond in a negative manner it will reveal some thing in us that requires change.  

My favorite session was on world view and learning on how to learn culture. There are 12 different aspects of language. They are verbal, written, numeric, pictorial, artifactual, audio, kinesic, optical, tactile, spacial, temporal, & olfactory, pretty much the five senses. We were told to keep a work book of all our observations and reflections of our culture. Then we got to practice it! We walked a few blocks to the grocery store and made observations. After about 30 minutes we came back to the conference room and talked about our observations. We wanted to find out what about this grocery store made this a Kansas City grocery store? One team mate suggested it was the whole shelf dedicated to mayonnaise and bbq sauce. :-)

Overall it was a great couple of days and I'm super excited to see what the Lord has in store for us in Thailand.

Terri and me!