I remember the first time I experienced brokenness. I had just returned from spending three weeks in Chiang Mai, Thailand; where I had spent most of my time working with orphans. Those children stole my heart and taught me so much about the Father's love, more so than I taught them!I was such a mess. I cried a whole lot and wanted to drop out of school and move to the orphanage. I remember my heart physically aching to be back in that country, a feeling I am now experiencing again...
The Lord knew what He was doing when He sent me to Guatemala. He sent me there to lead my amazing team, and to have my heart break once again for the things that break His. So many times the Lord allows our hearts to be broken so that He can heal and restore them. In my spare time these past few weeks, I've been looking through pictures and reminiscing on my time in Guatemala. I hear stories about how the Lord is moving in the people I left behind. I rejoice with tears. Then I realize my tears are not just tears of joy, but tears of sorrow because I want to be there, and I'm not.
As I am writing this blog, my iTunes chooses to play the song Give Me Faith and the lyrics hit me straight to the heart:
I need You, to soften my heart, and break me apart. I need you to open my eyes, and see that You're shaping my life. All I am, I surrender. Give me faith to trust what you say. That You're good and Your love is great. I'm broken inside, I give you my life.
My problem is I don't trust the Lord with Andres, Dani, Carlos and Maria. I want to be the one Andres runs to when he falls. I want to be the one he talks to and plays with. I want to see Dani sing in her church and make sure that she lives in a loving home. I want to be Maria's friend and hold her hand when she cries and paint her nails to make her feel valued. I want to make her laugh! I want to be there in the dump and make sure Carlos doesn't get involved with the wrong group of friends.These are all good things but they are so selfish. The Lord wants all these things and so much more for these people I have grown to love so much. He loves them more than I ever could. He alone can satisfy their every need. Pray that I would have faith to trust Him with their lives. I have no problem trusting Him with mine. I want to save them, but I am no savior. He alone is mighty to save.
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The Lord knew what He was doing when He sent me to Guatemala. He sent me there to lead my amazing team, and to have my heart break once again for the things that break His. So many times the Lord allows our hearts to be broken so that He can heal and restore them. In my spare time these past few weeks, I've been looking through pictures and reminiscing on my time in Guatemala. I hear stories about how the Lord is moving in the people I left behind. I rejoice with tears. Then I realize my tears are not just tears of joy, but tears of sorrow because I want to be there, and I'm not.
I need You, to soften my heart, and break me apart. I need you to open my eyes, and see that You're shaping my life. All I am, I surrender. Give me faith to trust what you say. That You're good and Your love is great. I'm broken inside, I give you my life.
My problem is I don't trust the Lord with Andres, Dani, Carlos and Maria. I want to be the one Andres runs to when he falls. I want to be the one he talks to and plays with. I want to see Dani sing in her church and make sure that she lives in a loving home. I want to be Maria's friend and hold her hand when she cries and paint her nails to make her feel valued. I want to make her laugh! I want to be there in the dump and make sure Carlos doesn't get involved with the wrong group of friends.These are all good things but they are so selfish. The Lord wants all these things and so much more for these people I have grown to love so much. He loves them more than I ever could. He alone can satisfy their every need. Pray that I would have faith to trust Him with their lives. I have no problem trusting Him with mine. I want to save them, but I am no savior. He alone is mighty to save.
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