Home

Home, it's such a relative word, and I don't think I even know what it means anymore, much less where mine is.

The first place I ever lived, I don't remember at all. All I know is that it was in Mexico City. When we moved to the States we rented a nice little green house. Three bedroom one bathroom. After a few years of living there we moved once again to a beautiful brick house in West Homewood. When I was 19 years old I put on my big girl pants and moved to Riverside, Ca. California Baptist University would be my home for the next four years. My closest friends were my roommates, and my peers lived in my neighborhood. It was there that I experienced Christian Community for the first time. I loved it! While at CBU I had the opportunity to visit several different countries and for 3 weeks after my Sophomore year Tegucigalpa, Honduras was home.

 Little did I know that after my Junior year I would go to Chiang Mai, Thailand and my life would be changed forever. I will never forget stepping off the plane and having the humidity hit me, and saying, "it feels like home outside." Little did I know that in just three weeks my heart would find the place where I felt most at home. 

Oh Tailandia ¡me encanta!

Senior Year I would visit Hawaii during spring break and live in Turkey for 5 weeks. Calling each place home while I was there. When I moved back to Alabama I started going to Brook Hills and joined an amazing small group there, and together we went to Peru. It was amazing to visit the place where my grandfather had grown up, with friends that were like family.

Some of us in Peru!

 By this time I was no longer living with my parents but with a wonderful friend in an apartment in Hoover. I was on my own. Paying rent and bills. I was a real adult. Until some sketchy stuff happened in our apartment complex and we decided that it was no longer a good idea for us to live there. She moved in with a wonderful family, and I moved in back with my parents. Which ended up being a good idea because I was just about to go on the World Race and needed to start saving money! On the race I lived in 10 different places, in four different countries, in 7 different cities. Each one I called home. 

The view from our hostel in Cambodia

After the race I went with Adventures in Missions (the same organization that did the World Race) to Nicaragua. I helped lead 26 college students and for 2 months that place was home.

Sunset in Nica

It was time to move back home. Or at least to my parents house. While I was away, they had decided to move from the house that I had grew up in to another house in Hoover. After about 10 months of being in Birmingham it was time for me to leave again and I went to Thailand for the Summer. It was my third time in that country, and the Lord confirmed to me that I would be spending a majority of my life there, however, I was so ready to return to Alabama by the end of the Summer. After being back at my parents house for a couple of weeks, AIM asked me to lead the Fall trip to Guatemala, and the Lord made it pretty evident that I would need to spend my Fall there. Which leads me to where I am today.

at the special needs school

 The past 3 months have been absolutely amazing. I have grown very much attached to this place. Puerto Barrios, Guatemala has become home. The Lord has blessed me with an amazing community of girls here to lead and do life with. The people we have met have been so generous and hospitable. I have learned so much about the body of Christ. I don't know what "home" will look like when I return. I know it will be different. Some of my closest friends no longer live in Alabama. I have changed while I have been here, and so have the ones I left behind. I don't know how long exactly I will call Alabama home, before I pack up and leave again. Someone once said, "Home is where the heart is," well if that's true, then my heart is broken. My heart is in California, Thailand, Guatemala, Cambodia, and Alabama, because people I love are in those places. It's been really hard living with a broken heart. I wish I could take everyone with me/be in all these places at the same time. But we all know that can't happen. The good news is, that this world is not my home. And one day I won't have to decide where to live so that I can be with all the people that mean so much to me, because we will all be living together with our King.

One less orphan

I knew coming to Guatemala that I would get to have lots of cultural experiences. However, I never thought I'd have to experience a Guatemalan funeral. Julio was just a baby when he went on to be with the Lord. We met him at the orphanage. As soon as I met Julio, I knew why he was there. See, Julio was born with a cleft palate, and his mother looking on his physical deformity didn't want him. Reminds me of someone else I know, Isaiah prophesied what the Messiah would look like: He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him (53:2a).

However, his story is more tragic than that, not only did his mother not want him, she took him to the local garbage dump, and left him there. As soon as he was born, he was literally thrown away. The person who was supposed to love him and treasure him, thought of him as garbage. Fortunately, the people at the basurero thought more of him and took him to the orphanage. There he received so much love, from the staff and from several teams. A medical team of doctors from the US had come to Guatemala to do free surgeries. His first surgery went really well. The team had come back for the second surgery and it seemed that all would be well. However, during the night, liquid filled his lungs and he was gone. As I was struggling to find peace with the loss of this precious baby boy the Lord reminded me, that Julio is in a much better place. He will no longer be rejected by men because of what he looks like. Julio never had the opportunity to be loved by a mother and a father here on this earth, but he will forever be in the presence of the Heavenly Father. Julio is no longer an orphan. He is in his Daddy's arms, and will never be hurt by this world again. To be honest, I'm a little bit jealous. The Lord says that He makes all things work out for our good and His glory. Just like God received glory through the death of His Son, I know He will receive glory through the death of this precious child. The medical team that operated on Julio was not a "Christian" medical team. I am praying that through his death they may come to find the One who can give eternal life. 

At some point after the funeral, one of my teammates started singing Beautiful Things by Gungor, I want to share some of the lyrics with you:

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth

Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

That's exactly what the Lord wants to do! What the world sees as garbage, the Lord sees as treasure, and He takes us and refines us and makes us beautiful.

There is now one less orphan on this earth; but Julio never really was an orphan. He may not have been wanted by his biological mother, but he was never forgotten by his Heavenly Father, and neither are we.

Seasons

A few days ago, during team time, we asked the Lord what we needed to surrender so that we could fully be present for our last month in Guatemala. I realized that I had been trying to lead on my own strength, and I was so tired. I cannot do this own my own. I desperately need Him. Ever since the Lord showed me this I have had Desert Song by Hillsong stuck in my head. The song goes like this:

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied againThe seed I've received I will sow

We all go through seasons in our life. Some seasons are flat out hard. Some friends we have for just a season in our life, and some for a couple of seasons. You may live in one apartment for a season, and then a house in another state or country for another. Life is full of many different seasons. Some will flourish and feel like Spring others might be really hard and feel like Winter. Seasons will come and go, but God is still God. Even through trials and pain, through times of mourning and rejoicing, He is still worthy of all praise and glory. The beauty of it all is that God still knows what we are going through. Sunday night, at church, I felt like the Lord was leading me to read Psalm 63:

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you;my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.

The Lord knew exactly what I needed to read. I want to thirst for the Lord. I am tired of being in this desert. The only way to get out of the desert is to drink from the Word. Fill me up God! Let me no longer rely on my own understanding and help me to be thankful for every.single.season. 

  

Naked

While in Honduras we had the opportunity go house to house encouraging and sharing the gospel with people that invited us in to their homes. After, we shared with the church testimonies about our experience and how the Lord had worked. One of my teammates was sharing of when this pantless little boy ran up to her and just gave her hug. She went on to say that the Lord taught her so much in that moment; one thing being that God loves us even when we don’t want to put clothes on. What got translated was that God loves us even when we’re naked. Oops. It’s been a little bit of a joke with the team and the guys here at Casa Verde. However, this morning as I was listening to Phil Wickham’s song Eden, I realized the truth in the mistranslation.

I want to see You face to face
Where being in Your arms is the permanent state
I want it like it was back then
I want to be in Eden

To be naked and unashamed
In a sweet downpour of innocent rain
I want it like it was back then
I want to be in Eden

In the Garden, Adam and Eve were completely naked, and unashamed before the Lord. They did not know sin. Right after the fall, however, they saw their nakedness and hid from God. Nakedness is equated with shame, but God does not want us to stay in our shame. He wants to clothe us with his righteousness. As Isaiah said, I will greatly rejoice in the LORD; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness. (61:10)

We need to come and expose our sins before God, for we are naked and ashamed in our sin. Instead of trying to hide our sin and our nakedness we need to come before our God who loves us and let him dress us with His garments of salvation and His robe of righteousness.

Relentless Love

I know we aren't supposed to have favorites, but I do. His name is Andress or Angel. He goes by both. When I first met him he was sitting all alone playing with a truck at the orphanage. I felt the Spirit telling me to be his friend, and so I pursued him. In only a few moments, I loved this little boy, like he was my own. So today when we arrived at the orphanage all these children ran to greet us. Kids were jumping into the arms of my teammates and my eyes were searching for Andress. I finally saw him and went to embrace him and he ran away. I thought, oh he wants to play. So I ran up to him and tickled him and he would get upset and walk away. Oh the pain in my heart! It was breaking. The I heard the Lord remind me that I am the same way. How often does He come to embrace me and I choose to go the other way.  Later on I saw him sitting with one of the guys and playing trucks with another boy his age. Andress was searching for love and attention from my friend. I wouldn't say that my friend was ignoring him, but he wasn't giving him the attention I would. I even saw Andress put a marble in his mouth, and he didn't stop him. I wanted to cry out, don't you see I love you, I want the best for you. You will always have my attention. The Lord again spoke to me, you spend your time chasing other idols, why won't you spend time with me? You waste your time doing things that will eventually do more harm them good. Why do you not enjoy your time with me. I ultimately satisfy. Finally, it was time for us to leave and I wanted to tell him goodbye. He covered his face, like he was hiding from me, and as soon as I could embrace him he ran. The Lord once again reminded me, stop running from your sin, my child. You can not run. Hidding from your sin is no laughing matter, it is not a game.

I left ministry really saddened that afternoon, but oh so grateful for what the Lord had taught me. I left ministry with these lyrics running through my mind:

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure    

I think my love for Andress is deep, but the love of God is so much deeper. I chose to love Andress. Just like the Lord has chosen me. Just like Andress has run from me, I too have run from the Lord. Just like I was jealous when Andress choose to love someone else, the Lord is jealous when I love the things of this world. Oh how grateful I am that His love is relentless and that it will never give up on me.

Unexpected Love

One of the things that excited me the most about coming to Guatemala was all the different ministries we would be involved with. I was most looking forward to bar ministry, orphanage, and the nursing home. Bar ministry is my heart, working with women in prostitution is definitely a calling in my life. I love kids, and couldn't wait to share God's love with the children who had been left behind by their earthly parents. When I was in Nicaragua last summer, our team visited a nursing home, and it had been one of our favorite days, I couldn't wait to love on the elderly that had been forgotten by their families.

One of the first ministries we visited was the nursing home. I couldn't wait to arrive and find an abuelo or abuela to have for the fall. Oh but the Lord had different plans. When we first arrived, Ashlynn and I talked with this older man, Pablo. The rest of the group had gone to the other side of the building. After a while of speaking with Pablo, Andrea (one of our contacts) approached me and told me that the group was waiting for us to start the program. Ashlynn asked Pablo if he would like to go to the other side with us, and I noticed this fairly young woman, in a wheel chair and I asked if she would like to go too. She nodded and so we went. It didn't take me long to realize that there was something different about this woman. She was very hard to understand. Even if I was fluent in Spanish I would have difficulty understanding her. She was missing several teeth, and spoke with a slur. The program was a little delayed because Luiz, one of the residents, had commandeered Bellle's guitar and was playing for us. The whole time she just looked at me awkwardly and I would awkwardly smile back. Not really knowing how to communicate. I asked her what her name was and could only make it out to be "Maria." Belle finally got her guitar back, and we sang a few songs, helped the staff put out dinner, said goodbye, and left.

The next week, I started walking towards the patio, when Pastor Rony called me over and told me that Maria was sad, and asked me if I could figure out why. He thought that maybe she would open up to me, because I am a female. At first I was really annoyed. To be honest, people with special needs make me nervous. Some people, like my mom, work really well and know how to love people with special needs. I am not one of them. One of my most legitimate fears when I was younger was that one day I would have a special needs child. I wanted to love on the elderly, and glean wisdom from them. Not to spend my time pitying a mentally disabled woman. However, I put a smile on my face and tried to communicate with Maria. I tried to ask her what was wrong, and I couldn't understand anything she said. I was frustrated. I went and got my Spanish/English Bible and began to read to her different Psalms as I felt the Spirit lead. Her tears eventually stopped and she began to smile. I then taught her how to play the card game "war". She liked it a lot! As we were playing my heart began to soften, and I genuinely cared for her.

The next week when we visited the nursing home, Maria was nowhere to be found. My heart sank. She was my friend and I wanted to talk with her and just be with her. It happened to be that she went to chapel and I got to spend a few minutes with her before dinner. She looked so happy to see me too!

A few days a go we had the opportunity to go back to the nursing home. The first thing Maria asked me was why we hadn't come last week to visit. I replied by telling her that we had gone to Antigua. She had never been, and so I decided I would show her some pictures. I got out my camera and showed her all the pictures, and she wanted to know everything about each picture. I then asked her if she wanted to take a picture with me, and we had so much fun making different faces.

I asked her if she had any friends at the nursing home, she told me that she didn't. I then reminded her that we were friends and she smiled so big!  She then took my hands and started counting my fingers and then I counted hers. After I while we went to the patio to join the rest of the group. We listened to Belle play the guitar as well as Luiz, and even Pablo sang us a few songs. However, Maria was only interested in one thing, finding my hand and holding on to it. Oh what a blessing it is to have her in my life and be her friend!

One Simple Prayer

It was another rainy night in Guatemala. Our team had been asked to visit this small church that was literally on the water. Many members from that church had traveled by boat to get there. After the service we mingled with the Guatemalans and tried to communicate with them. As I was talking with our translator and host in Guatemala, I heard someone coughing. I turned around to see who it was, and I saw this precious little girl. I asked in broken Spanish if she was ok. What I assumed to be her mother replied and told me that she had gripe. I then nonchalantly asked, “Puedo orar para ti?” (Can I pray for you?), because that’s the missionary thing to do, right? I got up to move toward where she was sitting and she got up as well, and we met half way.  So there we were standing in the middle of this shanty church building and she wrapped her small, frail arms around and embraced me, and I began to pray. As I prayed her grip got tighter. I didn’t want to stop praying for her, because I didn’t want to let her go. Little did I know that the Lord was breaking my heart for His precious daughter. In those few brief moments the Lord gave me just a glimpse of how intense His love is for us. After I said “amen,” we had a brief conversation, where I told her just how beautiful she was. I then asked if I could take a picture with her, when I showed her the picture not only did she want to see the one of us, but all the pictures on my camera. After we looked through them and came back to the picture of us, I told her in my broken Spanish that the photo we were looking at was my favorite. She flashed me the most beautiful smile and gave me the sweetest hug. Our team was getting ready to head out, and the last words I told her were that she had a very sweet heart and wished the Lord’s blessings on her. As we left the church, I could feel my heart ache and the tears began to form. I had no idea that I could come to love someone so quickly and so intensely.

When we arrived back to our home, we had team time to discuss the highs and lows of the day and to encourage each other in how we saw the Lord work each team mate that day. I was sharing how much I wanted to see my new friend become healed, because every time she coughed it shook her whole body, and it tore me up inside. My teammate then said, that even if she isn’t healed when he wakes up in the morning, she will remember the love that I showed her. That love does not even compare to the love that her Heavenly Father has for her. The Lord taught me that night that prayer is intimate and is not something to be taken lightly. It has the power to change lives- forever. 

Adored.

Adored: to regard with the utmost esteem, love, and respect; honor

Monday we had the opportunity to visit the bars here in Puerto Barrios.  We had spent the morning preparing little goody bags for the girls, praying and worshiping. The little bags contained baby wipes, wafer cookies, candy, and prayerfully thought out notes with words of encouragement and scripture. We prayed over the bags and then left to go visit the girls many have disregarded. We visited five different bars that day and blessed 29 girls with the bags, genuine conversation, and prayer. At the last bar we met this young, beautiful, sweet chica. She had dark wavy hair, her eyes hadn't been hardened by her profession yet, and her face was fresh, unlike other girls we had met she hadn't layered on the make up that morning. She was wearing a black shirt with the word adored on it. I asked, through the help of our translator, if she knew the meaning of the word. Kevin, our translator, told her the word in Spanish, and I was able to explain to her that she was adored by her Heavenly Father. We asked her if she went to church and she said that she used to, but that she didn't go anymore because she wasn't good enough. This broke my heart. I attempted to explain that we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. No one is perfect. In an effort to redeem herself to us, she said that she hated her job, but that she could not find another one. We prayed over her, right there in the bar, that she would be able to find another job and then we invited her to come to church with us. She didn't have a phone but we got her friend's phone number so that we could remind her and send her directions to the church. She then asked us a question that had been laying heavily on heart, "if someone repents of their sin on their death bed, are the in Heaven?" We told her that we believed that they did and shared with her from Luke the story of the repentant criminal:

One of the criminals who were hanged railed at him, saying, “Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!”  But the other rebuked him, saying, “Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.” And he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”  And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”

She had asked the question because her dad had recently passed, and right before He died He had asked forgiveness for his sins. As we shared with her what we believed about her father's salvation, we could see peace come over her. The Lord is so merciful. 

Please be praying for my dear friend Zee. That she would trust in the Lord to provide for her, and that she would be able to find another job. That the Lord will protect her from all sorts of evil. She claims to be a Christian, pray that the Lord would increase her faith in Him. 

Thank you!

 

Overcome

Los Siete Altares

Saturday we had the opportunity to go to Livingston where we spent a majority of the day getting to the waterfall and spending time there. It was quite the adventure just to get to the waterfall. We started walking and found a guy who would take all 15 of us a part of the way. Then we walked for about 30 minutes along the coast, which at one point in time had been absolutely beautiful, but pollution had found it's way. The water was at times extremely dirty, and trash had been wash up along the side of the beach. As we walked, the inevitable happened and my flip flops got wet., which normally would not be a problem, except when they and my feet are wet they become very slippery. I wanted to take them off, except that there were tiny seashells all around and I was afraid I would cut my feet on them. Let us not forget all the trash we were tramping through, it just would not have been a good idea. We walked around ant hills and across "bridges" until we finally reached the entrance to the beginning of another hike to the highest waterfall.

I wish I was the out doorsy type. But I'm not. I do not like bugs. I don't like being barefoot. I don't like getting mud all over me with who knows what parasites living in it. The walk to the waterfall was just not very fun for me. Keeping in mind that my flip flops were making it extremely difficult for me to walk, every step I took had to be taken very carefully. After almost falling in several times I decided I would take my sandals off. Each step I took was a little painful. I was walking on rocks. Oddly shaped, rough rocks. I had to analyze very carefully where to place each step. I didn't want to get to deep in the water, because I was carrying my bible, camera, and iPod and didn't want them to get wet. Pause.

I had just finished reading Hinds' Feet on High Places a marvelous book by Hannah Hurdard. It's a great analogy of the Christian walk. It tell's the story of Much Afraid, a young woman living in the Valley of Humiliation. She has a desire to go with the Shepherd to the High Places where the Kingdom of Love is. However, she has crooked feet, and can not make the journey herself. So in His infinite wisdom He gives her Suffering and Sorrow as guides.On her journey she encounters her relatives Bitterness and Self Pity. However, the Shepherd is always just a shout away. When she calls for Him, He comes and her enemies scurry.

Unpause. I felt very much like Much Afraid during our little hike up to the high place (waterfall). I was afraid of getting a parasite. I was afraid of falling and hurting myself. I was afraid of dropping my purse in the water and damaging my Bible, iPod, and camera. I like Much Afraid, started listening to the voices of self pity and bitterness. I was frustrated that I didn't have the right shoes. Bitter that I had brought my iPod, because I wasn't going to use it, neither would I use my Bible or journal. I started feeling sorry for myself and wanted to be anywhere but there. I remembered Much Afraid and how she called out to the Shepherd, so I thought I'd do the same. Even though Christ didn't come and carry me to the waterfall, He sent people to help me along the way. One of the guys that volunteers at Casa Verde very patiently helped direct my steps, and lent me his hand when I needed them. Others would catch my by my small back pack to keep me from falling into the water. When we finally reached the waterfall it was glorious. All the girls had already made it and were jumping off. They were having so much fun! I went to put my stuff down and saw a crab. I don't know why it would shock me that there were actually living organisms in nature, but it did. I then said to myself, "I am NOT getting in that water." After a few minutes of mopping to myself I decided I would take pictures of my girls. When I got up I miss stepped and fell right on my bottom. Oh did it hurt. I could no longer hold it in, and I must admit I cried a little bit.

The Lord reminded me that I would only be in this spot at this time only once in my life. I could spend that time having a pity party for myself or I could "get over myself" and have fun with my girls. So I choose to be joyful in my circumstances. I climbed up to the top of the waterfall and after a few moments of hysterical laughter, overcame my fear and jumped.

                                                                         Team Jump

Sorpresa!

One thing that I have learned over the years in working overseas with different ministries is to be flexible. Plans and schedules change, as the Lord reminded Isaiah, so has He reminded us, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord." So it did not come to my surprise that what we thought was going to happen on Friday, actually did not go as planned. The original schedule for Friday was Team Time in the morning, orphanage in the afternoon, and Family Time (team time with the volunteers at Casa Verde) in the evening.

Our Team Time turned into practice time of rehearsing our different skits, and learning dance choreography to kids songs.Which was very necessary because Thursday night we were told that we would be presenting the gospel through dramas and testimonies at our friend, Andrea's, church on Friday night.(Sorpresa number 1) 

Sorpresa number 2 came along when one of the ministry's vans pulled up full of donated clothes. We were asked to separate the clothes into two piles one for children and one for adults. We then stuffed the clothes into black trash bags.  Which we joyfully did for the next 30 minutes or so.

 After lunch we headed to the orphanage where I was told that our contact was not able to confirm with the nuns at the orphanage that we would be coming, and that if we were unable to go to the orphanage we would go to a poor community and give out some of the kids clothes. 

Well, I'm sure that you're not surprised that sorpresa number 3 was that we were not able to go to the orphanage. We drove around for a little while and got out of a van and walked up to a Pastor's home/church. We asked if we could do a program for the neighboring children. They agreed. So we went door to door inviting children and parents to our little program (in our broken Spanish of course).

Sorpresa number 4- Well, we were inviting children to our program, but we hadn't really planned one, or had music for one. So we made it up as we went along. Improvising music and singing songs that we had learned in the order that I could remember any of their names. It was so fun! It seemed like it would have been so stressful, but it wasn't at all. We were then able to surprise (Sorpresa #5) the kids with some clothing! Three girls were just standing around the clothing but they weren't looking for anything. I assumed that they were just shy, and I searched for them. I would find a shirt and then ask them if they wanted it. They seemed thankful. Even though we were all initially disappointed that we weren't able to go to the orphanage it was truly a blessing to love on the children from this neighborhood and not only bless them with songs about the joy of the Lord, but with new clothing as well. 

New Clothes!

 Then, that night while on the way to church, SORPRESA, one of the tires went flat. And when I say flat, I mean, deflated. It was the worst flat tire I have ever seen.

our flat tire :(

As we are piled out of the van one of my team mates, Belle, remarked, "Wow, Satan must really not want us to go to church tonight." I had been so focused on going by a "schedule" that I kinda had forgotten why we were here to begin with. We are here to proclaim the glory of God to the nation of Guatemala, not to mark good deeds off of our Christian-to-do-list. We started praying that whatever happened that night, that God would be glorified. Whether that meant going to church or going back to Casa Verde and having Family Time. Our contacts were able to get in touch with our friend and she arranged for us to get picked up in an (sorpresa)  AIR CONDITIONED bus! We arrived at the church and were absolutely blessed by the people we met. They were so welcoming and loving. Andrea had arranged translators for us which was a very nice sorpresa.

The Lord had one very special sorpresa in store for me. He taught me about my pride. I thought we'd be going to church and do our little presentation and offer them what WE had to give THEM. But that's not at all how it went down. Yes, the team did our drama and it was beautiful and even though I had seen them practice it several times, it moved me to tears when I saw them do it on Sunday night. Yes, Jill did a wonderful job sharing her testimony. Yes, leading them in worship was glorifying to the Lord. But the Lord spoke through Andrea, as she retold the story of Joseph, the dreamer. How the Lord has given us dreams. How we are to trust Him with them and to seek Him. He has given us these dreams for a reason, for His glory. He wants to use us to fulfill His purposes on earth.

After the service we still had one question, "how were we going to get home?" Andrea asked Beverly and her brother to take us home, the same two people who had been translating for us. Not only did they want to take us home but to show us around the city and to take us to the stadium for the ceremonies for Dia de Independencia.While we were driving around town I noticed them- the bars and the ones being prostituted. I could only imagine what was going on inside of Bar Diana and Bar California. It was not a coincidence that Andrea and just spoken about dreams. Seeing those bars reminded me of my own, and how the Lord brought me to Guatemala to prepare me for what He has in store for my future in Thailand. As we drove around it started to rain. A reminder of how God makes everything new. It was decided to not go to the stadium and we headed home.

Runner carrying the touch to the Stadium for ceremony.

In conclusion, the Lord reminded me again, that my ways, or the schedule's ways aren't necessarily always His ways. His ways are always better than mine could ever be. And nothing, could ever or will ever take Him by surprise.

Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely

The last few weeks have been some of the darkest weeks of my life. I have felt very much alone, even though I've been surrounded by people.  I have had to fight, fight the hardest I have ever had to fight in my life to keep my thoughts glorifying to Christ. I can't iterate enough how hard, dark, and alone I have felt.

Then on one of the last nights on Bangla we were walking down the street and I heard this very familiar song coming out from the bars. I was flashed back to middle school with these lyrics from the Backstreet Boys:

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I cant be there where you are
Theres something missing in my heart  
Theres nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul  

 Usually the bars are filled with LOUD, dance music; not a soft ballad, but this song couldn't be more appropriate. The bars on Bangla are filled with very lonely people; whether it's the men looking for company, or the girls looking to find a husband. They are lonely and I was lonely. But you see I hold the answer to being lonely...Jesus.

Even though I felt alone, and just when I was about to give up, I would hear His soft sweet voice whisper to me, "You're not alone." I was reminded how when Jesus was betrayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, and when Peter denied Him, and the disciples fled. How on the cross, Christ cried out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" If anyone knows loneliness it's Christ and He comforted me like no one else could. When I was longing for someone to embrace me and just hold me to let me feel that everything would be okay, I would feel His presence and His peace and His warmth.

It wasn't until last night when I was talking with one of my good friends that I learned why God was allowing me walk through this. Sometimes we seek people to fill the void, the void that only He is meant to fill. Alcohol, sex, drugs, relationships, movies, napping, all the ways of escaping, they won't fill that void. You will eventually sober up and remember what you were trying to forget. The climax will come and go. The high will pass. The movie will eventually end, and you will have to come back to reality. And you will wake up from the nap and the issues will still be there. What I learned is that sometimes the Lord has to take everything away so that we will realize He is everything. Which reminds me of these lyrics by Lifehouse that we sang during worship:

Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need

He is everything, and if He has to strip me of the things I hold most for me to realize that so be it; because He will be strength and He will be with me.

Worship Changes Things

Have you ever been in a funk? You know, when it seems like nothing is going right and the enemy takes hold of your thoughts and you begin to believe the lies he is telling you? I am going to be really vulnerable right now and am going to tell you that's where I have been. The past few weeks have been really hard on me. It all started on the night of my birthday. You know that ONE day where everything is supposed to go your way. Satan sucks like that.  We came back from being out on Bangla and that's when the attacks started. I began to feel useless and that I was a disappointment to my Daddy. I began to doubt everything He had been doing through me. I felt like He had run out of grace for me. I was so frustrated with myself for believing the lies. All I wanted to do that next day was to stay in bed and cry. I might have actually done that... That night, just like every night, we had a worship service. I was torn. I wanted to worship but only half out of anguish and half out of my praise. Then something unexpected happen, and I don't remember what song it was, but the Lord told me to get off the ground and to stand up, and the Holy Spirit took over. Something changed in me. You see, it's very hard to worship the Lord when you are feeling sorry for yourself or beating yourself up for things you did or didn't do. See, I worship a good God. A God who is full of GRACE and MERCY, and FORGIVENESS. So when I turned the focus off myself and onto God, my countenance changed. I was full of His joy. Worship changes you.Worship changes the atmosphere around you. Our worship changes how we see Bangla. Worship will change Thailand. Worship is the fuel of missions. We all exist to worship Jesus Christ and to live a life that is glorifying to Him. We are to glorify Him with our thoughts, actions, words, and lives.

There is this picture/painting in my parents house that says, "Don't let the turkey's get you down," and Satan is one big,old, fat, ugly turkey. So I say to him, "Get behind me Satan," and I worship.